slightly wonky

Body suit boycott
January 23, 2015, 11:25 am
Filed under: Fleeting thoughts... | Tags: , , ,

Has anyone out there ever baked a recipe using expired flour?  Probably not.  Well, OF COURSE, I did that yesterday.  The problem is not that I don’t know how to read…or that I don’t understand what numbers are.  The problem is that I have a warped sense of the passage of time.  I somehow thought that I had bought that whole wheat pastry flour within the past six months.  But alas…no.  I had not.  I had probably purchased the flour a year and a half ago.  The muffins that I made with the expired flour were…gross.  Blech.  What is even worse is that this is NOT the first time that I’ve done this.

I kid you not.  I’m really not facile in the kitchen.  Have I mentioned that my cleaning skills are also shoddy?  If I could get fired from my job of “stay-at-home-mom,” I probably would.  I know that I should be more gung-ho about scrubbing and cooking…

(ha ha!  not!)

This is what I tend to me more gung-ho about:



YES!  Knitted arm warmers!!!!  For those of you who are either never cold, or live somewhere warm…people DO wear arm warmers.  I think our thermostat is set to 65 degrees, which means that I need these things.  Ignore the yarn umbilical cords…I just haven’t finished them up yet.  I know that I should basically knit myself a wool bodysuit, but that sounds like to big a project for me…VERY big…especially around the rear.  I got an email from Elle magazine today telling me that bodysuits are in, so my suburban mind is taking note…



Really?  That doesn’t look fun to wear.  Seriously.  Reason #364 that I’m glad that I’m not a celebrity…I’ll stick to wooly arm warmers thankyouverymuch.

Besides making arm warmers for myself…I’ve been TRYING to make progress on my Etsy store.  I’ve got a bunch more things made and listed.  Now, I’m just waiting for the orders to roll in.

Any minute now.


Still here.


I know…I have to do MARKETING…PROMOTION…STUFF I DON’T LIKE TO DO.  Sigh.  I know that it’s possible to hire someone to do that FOR me…but I can’t afford that.  If I could afford stuff like that…I’d hire a personal chef long before I’d hire a marketing person.  Right???

That bodysuit is really creeping me out.

I recently bought my son some ice skates.  No, he does not know how to skate…but I figure this might help.  We live right by a reservoir that freezes over.  It’s super fun to pop down there for a bit of skating…but it’s also kind of like extreme-off-road skating.  I’m used to a freshly zambonied rink…so dodging cracks, small ice mountains, and rocks in the reservoir (or “res” as it’s known locally) is kind of difficult.



This is my son in an “action pose.”  He didn’t want me to photograph him flopped on the ice.  Go figure.  He tells me that he doesn’t want skating lessons. He says that I’m going to teach him.  REALLY?  That’s fascinating to me, as I’m probably the last person that he listens to.  I think that he’s just trying to avoid having lessons.  Sometimes, I think that my son would like to put his fingers in his ears and yell, “LA LA LA I AM NOT LEARNING!” at the top of his lungs whenever I try to “teach” him anything.  Apparently, he already knows it all.  Did I mention that he is seven?  I thought that the “know it all” stage came much later.


I’m going sign off now to do some reading about marketing and promotion.  BOOORING.  It’s just going to tell me to chat up social media, tweet about my breakfast, and post about minutiae.  Gag.

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Just buy some of my stuff…okay?


Sort of.

(Is this considered “guerrilla marketing” or “inept harassment”? Discuss.)





No son of mine shall be a hoarder…


WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR THE PAST MONTH???  I was in holiday survival mode.  As you can tell, I survived.  I may have gained ten pounds from eating, but I’m okay.  I just look kind of like Baymax:


Maybe I should just buy bigger clothes too?

In order to absorb the new toys that my 7 year old got for Christmas AND his birthday, I had to purge some of his older toys.  This had to be done on the first day that he was back at school, as I can’t throw out a single, broken piece of plastic when he is present. He has the pack-rat gene that runs in my family, which is rather unfortunate.

I just put out all of his empty Rainbow Loom boxes in the trash.  I am feeling HORRIBLY GUILTY about this.  If he knew, he would go ballistic.  But they are EMPTY boxes!!!  I feel terrible doing something that I know would upset my child…but if I don’t throw some stuff away (not donate-able), our house will quickly become a scene from “Hoarders.” Where/why am I to keep these boxes that he does nothing with?  I can’t.  I live in fear that he will realize what I have done.  Am I a horrible mommy for doing this?  Stress.  I may have to assuage my guilt by eating some chocolate.  (Be back in a minute.)

My son’s latest, and most crazy ambitious Rainbow Loom project is making a life-size Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III out of those silly rubber bands.  For those of you that don’t know, he’s the main character in the How To Train Your Dragon series.  FYI…He’s a kid/young man.  Did I mention that my son wants to make a life-size version of him? LIFE-SIZE.  So far, he has only completed the eyebrow:



Yes, that’s me holding the Rainbow Loom eyebrow up against my own eyebrow to show you that it is indeed going to be life-size.  NIGHTMARE.  Why can’t he build Lego spaceships, or something reasonable like that???  Why can’t I be the only crazy person in the house?  Do we really need two lunatics under one roof????

Is it just me, or does that rubber band thingy look like ramen noodles?

My 2015 New Year’s resolution is to be less messy.  Does that give you any indication of what kind of poor role model I am?  Sigh.  I have already cleaned/purged the downstairs…so I am doing SOMETHING about my resolution.  Notice that I started with the easier task of purging my son’s broken toys, rather than purging any of MY art supplies.  Hmm.

Here in the Northeast…it’s been rather BRISK:


It slipped down to -2 on the 0.4 mile drive to school.  We normally walk, but I didn’t want scowls from the principal because my son turned into a popsicle on said walk.  Brr! Perhaps we should have made a roaring fire in the fireplace with the ridiculous pile of Rainbow Loom boxes that I just threw out?  At least they would have been put to some good use.

Why aren’t my extra layers of fat keeping me warm?  Maybe I need more?  Send hot chocolate and donuts, pls! My Baymax body thanks you!!!


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