slightly wonky

Has anyone out there ever baked a recipe using expired flour?  Probably not.  Well, OF COURSE, I did that yesterday.  The problem is not that I don’t know how to read…or that I don’t understand what numbers are.  The problem is that I have a warped sense of the passage of time.  I somehow thought that I had bought that whole wheat pastry flour within the past six months.  But alas…no.  I had not.  I had probably purchased the flour a year and a half ago.  The muffins that I made with the expired flour were…gross.  Blech.  What is even worse is that this is NOT the first time that I’ve done this.

I kid you not.  I’m really not facile in the kitchen.  Have I mentioned that my cleaning skills are also shoddy?  If I could get fired from my job of “stay-at-home-mom,” I probably would.  I know that I should be more gung-ho about scrubbing and cooking…

(ha ha!  not!)

This is what I tend to me more gung-ho about:

YES!  Knitted arm warmers!!!!  For those of you who are either never cold, or live somewhere warm…people DO wear arm warmers.  I think our thermostat is set to 65 degrees, which means that I need these things.  Ignore the yarn umbilical cords…I just haven’t finished them up yet.  I know that I should basically knit myself a wool bodysuit, but that sounds like to big a project for me…VERY big…especially around the rear.  I got an email from Elle magazine today telling me that bodysuits are in, so my suburban mind is taking note…

Really?  That doesn’t look fun to wear.  Seriously.  Reason #364 that I’m glad that I’m not a celebrity…I’ll stick to wooly arm warmers thankyouverymuch.

Besides making arm warmers for myself…I’ve been TRYING to make progress on my Etsy store.  I’ve got a bunch more things made and listed.  Now, I’m just waiting for the orders to roll in.

Any minute now.

Waiting.

Still here.

Hmm.

I know…I have to do MARKETING…PROMOTION…STUFF I DON’T LIKE TO DO.  Sigh.  I know that it’s possible to hire someone to do that FOR me…but I can’t afford that.  If I could afford stuff like that…I’d hire a personal chef long before I’d hire a marketing person.  Right???

That bodysuit is really creeping me out.

I recently bought my son some ice skates.  No, he does not know how to skate…but I figure this might help.  We live right by a reservoir that freezes over.  It’s super fun to pop down there for a bit of skating…but it’s also kind of like extreme-off-road skating.  I’m used to a freshly zambonied rink…so dodging cracks, small ice mountains, and rocks in the reservoir (or “res” as it’s known locally) is kind of difficult.

This is my son in an “action pose.”  He didn’t want me to photograph him flopped on the ice.  Go figure.  He tells me that he doesn’t want skating lessons. He says that I’m going to teach him.  REALLY?  That’s fascinating to me, as I’m probably the last person that he listens to.  I think that he’s just trying to avoid having lessons.  Sometimes, I think that my son would like to put his fingers in his ears and yell, “LA LA LA I AM NOT LEARNING!” at the top of his lungs whenever I try to “teach” him anything.  Apparently, he already knows it all.  Did I mention that he is seven?  I thought that the “know it all” stage came much later.

Sigh.

I’m going sign off now to do some reading about marketing and promotion.  BOOORING.  It’s just going to tell me to chat up social media, tweet about my breakfast, and post about minutiae.  Gag.

Just buy some of my stuff…okay?

Kidding.

Sort of.

(Is this considered “guerrilla marketing” or “inept harassment”? Discuss.)