I know that I need SOME kind of plan for what I’m going to do next with my artwork. I’ve basically spent the week scribbling ideas furiously in my notebook. Lots of scribbles. Do I have a new drawing? No. I do have a cool blob of playdoh, though:
Isn’t it neat? Seriously, though. This period of thinking, not producing, is stressing me out. Did I mention that I also tried to make a cast of an object? Yes, I poured a two part mold, and right now…I have some casting material sitting in the mold. I thought that I wouldn’t write this post until I have finished the cast, but I fear that the whole project is a big fail. Take a look:
SIGH. Fail. I know…I need to view these setbacks as “learning experiences”. I always like being pleasantly surprised, though…and not deflated and disappointed. I was trying to cast a pear…as my sculpting abilities are poor:
I’m not sure which is more depressing…the mold fail or the sculpture fail. Maybe I should stick to multicolored playdoh blobs? Perhaps that’s where my true talent lies…
I did take some photos this week:
I like the atmosphere that these have. I’m not sure where I’m going with them. I had thought about transferring them to fabric, and doing something in that direction…but I’m up against the technical challenges of doing that. In my drawings…the tools have been the aggressor. But now, I’m just looking at the beauty of them as objects. Hmm. Maybe by making them beautiful, I am reclaiming a feminine ownership of these objects??? Or, maybe I need to cut back on the soy milk, as I’m having estrogencentriccrazythoughts???
This drawing summarizes my current state of mind:
I’m hopeful, yet sad? I am HOPEFUL that I will figure out what the heck I’m doing with the new direction with my work…and SAD that there is a reason it’s called “work”. Why can’t I be brilliant? At least on occasion…wouldn’t that make everything so much easier??? Or, maybe I’m just sad because I have a strange, pointy head.
I feel it is an appropriate time to quote Ira Glass:
What nobody tells people who are beginners — and I really wish someone had told this to me . . . is that all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, and it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase. They quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story.
It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through. – Ira Glass
Work. Workworkworkworkwork. He’s right. I’m not sure that I have killer taste…but I do know that the only way to improve is to persist. We’ve all heard the platitudes about Thomas Edison failing a million times before he finally made a bulb that worked…yawn. I KNOOOW (said in a sulky, teenager-esque way). I know, and yet everyone still hates to fail, right?
What should I do? Try to be productive? Maybe I should go grocery shopping??? That always cheers me up…NOT!
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slightly wonky 
Wow, there’s something very The Shining about this post. Perhaps we should plan to get together sooner than next week. I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to focus on one medium now and really perfect your skill, style and talents in that direction. I know it’s cool to be an all-around multi-media artist but it seems like that’s also what’s frustrating you. If you focused on starting one or two paintings a week and then worked on them over the course of the week, maybe you’d have more drive or focus on what it is you need to produce. Perhaps you are stymied now by the glut of options available and it’s hard to focus or be inspired in just one direction.
I think you should feel hopeful about the orange head drawing…it has a surprising resemblance to your pear mold…coincidence? I think not!
Comment by growingmuses March 16, 2012 @ 3:39 pmYES! Everything in my world is turning pear shaped…(I’ve already been that shape for awhile now…) I know…put down that plaster and pick up a pencil, right????
Comment by slightlywonky March 16, 2012 @ 7:37 pmP.S. I LOVE Ira Glass…he gets it.
Comment by growingmuses March 16, 2012 @ 3:39 pmhttp://www.keikogallery.com/exhibition/2011_ito_hirotoshi.html#3
Check our this link…the artist is Ito Hiroshi. Your 3d pear reminded me of his rock sculptures…
Comment by Sumi March 18, 2012 @ 2:11 pmSOOO AMAZING!!!! Can you believe it??? Have you seen these personally? I’d love to. They’re incredible! Thanks so much for showing them to me…I really appreciate it. e. 🙂
Comment by slightlywonky March 18, 2012 @ 6:01 pm